Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
