that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
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