your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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