Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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