Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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