I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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