my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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