TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
