tell your sister to shave her snatch
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
