So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
