smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
