Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
