Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
