is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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