HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
