She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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