is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
