You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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