its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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