Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
