a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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