It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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