Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Randomize
