Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
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