she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
