there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
