You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
