i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
