You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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