I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Randomize