You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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