Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
