I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Randomize
