I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
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