I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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