So drunk its hurt
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
