That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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