Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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