My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
