I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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