So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
