I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
