I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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