I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
