when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
