That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
