so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
