I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I just googled if crying burns calories
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
