.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
