dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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