Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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