we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
