well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
