Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Randomize
