Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I have already put on my inside pants.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
