i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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