All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
He shit in the fireplace
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
