I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
