I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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