My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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