Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
