I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
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