omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
