Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Randomize
