I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
