if only i could text you this smell
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Randomize
