haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
