my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
