Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
