the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize