He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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