I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
