Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
