You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
