Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
