I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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