I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
