I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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