I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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