I just pynch a tree in the face
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
