it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
