fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
